Chapter 8

I was rushed into surgery again.

The doctor said my condition had suddenly taken a turn for the worse.

Maybe I'd never get the chance to tell them how much I missed them, how sorry I was.

Heaven had let me regain consciousness for a little while, only to let me die in despair.

A few years ago, during a rare meeting with my friends, one of them had asked, "Are you okay? You look so tired."

I'd been surprised. "I'm fine. Why would you say that? Everything's great."

It had been right after graduation. I'd been full of enthusiasm, starting a new life in City A with Ethan.

I'd spent all those years chasing after him, trying to stand on the same level as him.

It had been exhausting, but as long as Ethan was by my side, I'd told myself I was happy.

I'd convinced myself that it was normal for feelings to fade over time, that some love was just quieter than others.

I'd never stopped to think—maybe the reason it was so quiet was because it wasn't really love at all.

Now, looking back, I could see how far apart we'd grown.

That fading feeling of happiness had been like a numbing agent wearing off.

And suddenly, everything hurt.

My head ached, my body ached—there wasn't an inch of me that didn't feel pain.

I'd seen Ethan as the light in my life, but to him, I'd been nothing more than a given.

If I died because of something so stupid, it would all be for nothing.

Truly, completely meaningless.

I'd passed out from the pain, but then I'd woken up again.

Along with the pain, there was Ethan's endless rambling—same as before.

The pain was coming from my wrist.

Ethan was holding my hand tightly, begging me to wake up, saying he was sorry, begging me not to leave him.

His voice was almost broken, like he was about to cry.

It was enough to make anyone's heart break.

But inside, I felt nothing.

As he talked, all he did was list the things I'd done for him.

Had he mentioned a single thing he'd done for me?

I listened carefully, but there was nothing.

Maybe he was just used to having me around.

Or maybe he felt guilty. If I died because of our argument, he'd have to live with that guilt for the rest of his life.

Who was he putting on this show for?