Chapter 3

Chapter 3

During the college entrance exam, Smith Ethan was more nervous about my exams than I was. He was practically glued to my side like a shadow. I found it both funny and sad—unlike other students, I didn’t even have the chance to be accompanied by my parents. He was more clingy than any parent.

After finishing the last exam, I put down my pen and walked out of the exam hall with the crowd, feeling a little dazed. My mood was strange: the college entrance exam, which I’d rehearsed in my mind countless times, hadn’t made me nervous, but now that it was over, I felt anxious. It was only then that I truly realized—my entire future depended on this one exam.

Outside the school gate, parents who’d been waiting called out to their children, and my classmates looked around for their parents. I was stuck in the crowd, unable to move forward or backward—like a stray telephone pole, standing out awkwardly.

Someone pushed through the crowd from the opposite side, squeezed over to me, and patted my shoulder. I turned my head—who else could it be but him?

"Let’s go," he said. "My parents are waiting." No questions, no hesitation—just a direct statement. Before I could refuse, I was dragged away by him in a daze.

Pushing through the crowd, we saw a familiar black car parked by the side of the road. His parents stood in front of the car, each holding a large bouquet of flowers—his father in a neat suit, his mother in an elegant cheongsam. When we walked over, his mother handed her bouquet to me.

A parent standing nearby chatted, "Your two kids took the exam together? What good fortune!" They just smiled and stroked my hair without explaining. In that moment, I no longer felt like an outsider.

We got into the same university, though in different majors—we became schoolmates again. On the day we received our admission letters, Smith Ethan’s family came to the run-down urban village where I lived to pick me up for a meal. Smith Ethan’s father was in such a good mood that he secretly set off a string of firecrackers in the yard, afraid of getting reported.

I thought that after entering university, we’d get busy with our own studies and drift apart. I was wrong. The person who wants to see you will cross all obstacles—even time and distance—to meet you.

Smith Ethan’s parents also came to see us often. We were frequently spotted by my classmates, and no matter how hard I tried to explain, I couldn’t convince anyone that we weren’t a couple. Whenever I fumbled to prove we were just friends, he’d prop his chin in his hand, tilt his head, and look at me with such a tender smile that my words sounded like nothing but cover-ups. Sometimes, I even felt our compatibility was terrifying.

The only time we had a falling-out was in the second semester of our sophomore year. Back then, my major had a spot for an exchange student at an Ivy League school in the UK. Since my comprehensive GPA had been first in the major for two consecutive years, the department naturally gave me the spot. An exchange experience would be incredibly beneficial for me, so I was overjoyed.

But when Smith Ethan found out, his expression was a mix of happiness and sadness. He hesitated to speak several times, looking at me with such grievance and loneliness—like a puppy who was convinced its owner was going to abandon it, as if I’d never come back.

I couldn’t understand why a guy over 180cm tall, who was quite popular on campus, was so fixated on me—someone who felt like a "twisted little tree" compared to him. He asked me: If going abroad meant we’d never cross paths again in the future, would I regret my decision today?

I knew his worry—there were plenty of couples around us who’d gone from being deeply in love to losing touch completely because one of them went abroad. Just like I hadn’t let myself fall for him in high school, now I was torn between leaving and staying. He couldn’t hold onto me, so he was afraid I’d fly away like the wind.

I thought about it for a long time. I couldn’t lie to him, nor could I brush him off—this answer mattered more than anything. During that time, he became my shadow again, following me so closely that even the teachers in my department recognized him and would specifically call on him in class. I could only quietly slip him answers, feeling guilty.

In the end, I still chose to go to the UK as an exchange student. Smith Ethan treated me so well, and I liked him too—I hated seeing him sad. But a fully funded spot at an Ivy League school, the chance to further my studies in my field, and the opportunity to interact with classmates from around the world—this was a chance I’d never get again. I’d fought against fate for twenty years; I wasn’t going to hide in a shell when an opportunity like this came along.

I could have stayed in China, graduated smoothly with his help, and even let him find me a good job. But that kind of future wouldn’t really be mine.

It was 2 a.m. when I landed in the UK. As soon as I turned on my phone, I was bombarded with folded text messages and missed calls. He didn’t even know I’d left—I was a coward. I was afraid I’d give in to him, so I left without saying goodbye. If I ever regretted this decision in the future, it would be for giving up my independence and sense of self—not for missing out on a person.